Saturday, March 29, 2014

The Fear

Fear never really goes away; sure, it becomes less of a constant feeling, but it's always there...lingering in the back of our minds. At times it pushes its way to the was one of those days. I was awoken from my sleep to the sounds of alarms, many alarms. Within minutes our tiny room was swarming with respiratory therapist and nurses...this was more than just our assigned medical personnel. I followed the protocol for parents in the hospital...get out of the way and let the medical team work. 

Drake was not moving air clearly, he was laboring with every breath, and his saturations were dropping. He was requiring 1.5L of O2, up from his usual .25L, and even with that he was struggling. They were bagging him, and an emergency trach change as next. Even with the bustling sounds of medical equipment and staff, it was eerily quiet at the same time. I was quiet, too. Silent actually. Praying this would correct the problem and my baby boy would be ok. 

The change was made and he began to calm down. The sound of air moving through his lungs was improving. Finally I was able to hold him, comfort him, and reassure him. During rounds the doctor and I discussed possibilities...was this the start of a new infection? Would we be sent back to the PICU? Was this another case of one step forward and two steps back? These fears are more than just thoughts in our heads. They are internal, gut wrenching feelings of fear. So, we pray. More than our daily prayers. Prayers for healing; prayers for strength. 

Labs were drawn and we waited. No news is good least in the hospital. His CRP, which measures for inflammation, was only slightly elevated; his teething alone could cause this. His white count was only slightly elevated also. So now we wait, and we watch him.

He seems better and he looks better! Surely this was only caused from his teething. He is back down to only .25L of O2, full of energy, and full of smiles. All good signs! So for now, despite our frightful morning, the fears recede. 

Kennedy on the other hand experienced her 1st party. Gran and Poppy took her to a birthday party for our friends' one year old son. She had a wonderful time, and it was good for her to finally interact with other children! How I wish I could have seen this! I'll be there next time...we all will. 

Tummy Time!

He loves his new "loner" chair/stroller/wheelchair!

Grasping a toy with both hands!!! Such an accomplishment! 

Just hanging around.

Feeling much better!

Thanks for fixing my hair, daddy! Great job!

Teething means needing assistance with my hands. Another great job, daddy!

Ready to go to the party!

She found a toy! (Sorry baby...that's for the birthday boy.)

1st ride in a little red wagon! And she got to ride with the birthday boy! 


  1. thank god drake is ok glad kennedy got to go to party hang in there mommy and daddy

  2. I have read every one of your posts since day one and find myself thinking of you and your family often. I may not know you personally but you are all in my prayers daily.

  3. I am sure you were very alarmed. I pray for Drake and all of your family each day. Even thou we have never met I feel close to all of you. I pray Drake will be healed. Hugs for all of you.